Sunday 3/28/10

I learned something Friday about myself.  I have always been so independent and Friday was no different but I am so thankful a friend stepped forward.  I am also very stubborn and sometimes I don't know where one ends and the other begins.  I am the type of person that if no steps up to help I will just do it myself, but I usually pay for it in the end.  It is not easy for me to ask for help and too many times I have asked and been burned.  I am also used to just doing things myself that I don't think through enough to know if I need help.  However, in the last year, if help is offered, I don't turn it down. The appointment for the mid-line was made and, not thinking and being my independent self, I had planned to go by myself.  After our appointment Thursday taking all day I couldn't ask Chris to take off of work and go with me.  After my mother-in-law so graciously watched the girls all day I couldn't ask her to watch them again.  So, in my head I figured I would go by myself or take the girls with me.  I am so glad God stepped in and rescued me from my self....again.
A friend of mine was supposed to come down with her daughter Friday so I called to let her know that I now had an appointment so she could decide if she still wanted to come.  She did and she offered to stay with the girls.  After they arrived she asked if I wanted her to come with me and her daughter would stay at the house with the girls.  Not wanting to be a burden I said it didn't matter but for some reason her question caused me to begin thinking about the appointment and I began to get nervous.  There was too much I didn't know and that makes me nervous...that and I saw the mid-line kit in the box we brought home.  It looked a little more involved than I wanted it to be.  I gladly accepted her offer to come with me because I would sure love her company.
I don't know how many times I have said since Friday that I was glad my friend came along and even more glad I didn't take the girls.  The mid-line being put in was more involved then I had anticipated. They couldn't find a decent vein in the left arm so they had to go with the right arm. It is similar to an IV except the catheter is about 4 inches long.  It enters at the bend of the arm but the catheter travels up the arm towards the shoulder.  It was deadened first and then inserted.  It was explained that I am to avoid repetitive motion with that arm and I am to avoid lifting/carrying more then 5 pounds with that hand/arm.   Of course it can't get wet.  I was shown how to reconstitute the medicine and hook it up where it will take an hour to an hour and a half to drip from an IV pole.  Yesterday I had some pretty strong cramping after they administered the first dose so our plans are to do my dosing at lunch time.  Chris comes home most days for lunch and if he doesn't it is rigged where I can do it myself.  My mind immediately began to process what this all meant and what it meant for my daily life.
I like to be free to do.  I am an active person and a successful day is measured by how much I can get done. I like to feel productive. Useful.  This is going to be a challenge.  My dominant arm is extremely limited in what it can do.  I am being forced to become a lefty.  I will be very limited in what I can do myself and this is difficult to except.  I sometimes push the limits in my quest to be independent.  Unfortunately, the success of the mid-line and the length of time its in will greatly depend on me surrendering to my independence and allowing things to go undone or allowing people to help more.  God is up to something.  God is always up to something and if its not in your life then its Him using you because He is up to something in someone else's life. Usually, its a combination of both.
So, I am looking for a new hair do and Chris is trying to figure a way to rig the hair dryer so I can do my hair.  If there are any ideas on my hair I am open to them...I think.  Things will definitely be different around the Saulnier house for a while.  I'm not one to ask for help but God is definitely putting me in a position where this part of me is being challenged and where I can't and won't turn it down if its offered.
Fortunately, it has been the weekend and the daily grind of the week wasn't upon me.  I have not felt well since noon yesterday and have spent more time in bed then I like.  Chris has Mondays off and fortunately we don't have any doctors appointments tomorrow.  I like days like that where, if I'm not going to feel well, it doesn't disrupt a whole lot.  Please keep us in your prayers.  With the mid-line I have become more dependent and unfortunately Chris has become busier as he takes up some of my slack.  Pray that the medicine is working and that we have a herxheimer reaction that affirms it is working.  Pray for us during the weekend because each weekend one of the antibiotics increases.  Thank you for your prayers and for your words of encouragement.