Just Wanted You To Know

Last night we got home from the ER (after stopping for chips, queso, and fajitas...sorry but it was a chips/queso kind of day) and the IV they put in my left hand was really hurting. I could barely move the hand without it screaming at me and I couldn't find a comfortable position.  I was really concerned that it hurt so badly.  I typed my last post one handed while I finished the IV I had started earlier yesterday (might have been a no no).  What little was left made me feel really weird. My chest was tight and taking deep breaths felt like I was breathing outside in subzero weather...if that makes sense.  I did not like how it felt at all and it was a couple hours after finishing the IV that I felt that way.  The good news is, though, that Chris was flushing it and it was excruciating.  On top of the IV is the clear tape that keeps it on/in place and then they put some of that stuff that looks like sticky ace bandage to help the tubing not flop around. This IV does not have an extension like the midline did so I can't flush or hook up my own IV now. Chris undid the sticky ace bandage and the relief I felt was incredible!  I left it off for a while as we watched a show on the laptop in bed (one of our favorite things to do).  He rewrapped it before bedtime and it is still doing great.
I was less grumpy today as I realized that I had use of both my hands. YIPPEE!!! I haven't been able to use both hands for almost 3 months.  It was weird and I had to think twice when I would go to use the right arm..."No you can't," "yes you can"...and it felt weird lifting that arm above my head like when I was washing my hair. The right arm has not been above my head for almost 3 months.  It is very weak and their is some discomfort in the elbow and shoulder when I stretch and use it beyond what its been alllowed to be used but it was so good for the pyschie to beable to use both hands.  I had to hold myself back this morning after realizing I had use of both hands because I was ready to take my house back.  I may have both hands for now, but I definitely don't have the energy.  I had to remind myself that just because the midline was out and I had use of both hands, it didn't mean I could anything I wanted and it didn't mean I had energy and was well.  But oh the joy felt in being able to do a little more then I have been the last 3 months.  I needed that today.  It so helped with the grumpiness.
Some things you can be in prayer about:
* Pray for the doctors wisdom and discernment as she decides which way to go with treatment (i.e. another midline, IV's for the next 2 1/2 weeks, neither, or something else).
* Please pray for some things the body is having difficulty with.  We are still seeing the medicine effecting the gallbladder and other functions and the midsection can be pretty uncomfortable.  There is an increase in another symptom where if I talk for any amount of time my ears feel like they have fluid in them and I feel I am talking in a tunnel.  We will ask her about this at our next visit.
* Please pray for the family.  I am difinitely seeing the effects of having a long term sick momma and wife on them.
Thanks so much for your prayers.  I know its the prayers of the many praying that have gotten us to where we are now.  Even though I am sick and fighting a nasty disease and things aren't what I had hoped for, and there are days when I am grumpy, I know God has blessed me through this disease.  If you have never experienced something life altering and still feel God's hands on you and He brings you to where you are satisfied with whatever comes your way, you would have a difficult time understanding.  I know I did.  Women at bible study would talk about being in the midst of some of life's nastiest things and at the same time talk about this passion and new love they felt for God.  I remember thinking, "I know God but I don't feel a huge passion and I don't think I am in love with God".  In some ways it bothered me that I didn't Love God more.  There were times I questioned my relationship but always came back to what I knew was truth, Him.  But God has shown me His hand so vividly and I am satisfied with whatever comes my way.  It sometimes catches me off guard (like the two ER visits) and I get unsettled with where He has me and I get grumpy, but it just reminds me how human I am and how big He is and there is such a comfort in knowing He has everything in the palm of His hand and nothing happens without it being for His purpose.  There is a reason for what we even consider the smallest or most trivial things.  They aren't small and trivial to Him who has a bigger picture and I just get to play a small part in it.
It blows my mind now....like the ladies I once heard in bible study.  I have noticed in the last couple days that my trust is challenged and I have become aware that sometime I lay more trust in someone else...my husband and when I sense him stressed or see the effects on him, my ground begins to shake and I begin to feel its more then I can bare.  But I am learning to turn to Him and hand Chris up to Him realizing that Chris is human and God is at work in his life as well.
I am taking it day by day...and sometimes its minute by minute but my soul is at rest with God. So difficult to express in words.  You won't get it till you are there yourself and then you say, "I get it!!" and you can't get there by any other means but with and through Him.  And then you will say, "WOW!" and "Its incredible!!" and you will never want to go back.