Today comes at the end of another crazy week. It started Monday. We had a doctor's appointment that went well. She said she would order another 2 weeks of the IV med on top of the 4 week order we are halfway through now. All in all it will be 12 weeks of IV meds when all said and done. We ironed out the lab confusion and received copies of the lab work done since April 22 and we were informed that it had been dictated to the wrong number. She wasn't thrilled with the CD-57 results. We started at 26 last November and the lab results came back indicating 38. Her goal is 180 before she considers me in remission. If I understood things correctly, she feels the new gallbladder medication should help with the sludge in the gallbladder till we are off the IV.
From the doctor's office we went to the bank where we sat with the same bank representative we have had to work with several times to iron out "miscommunications" with her and our account. When we were leaving she said, "if you have any question please don't hesitate to call me. Today is my last day. I will be on vacation for four days". I found this to be quite odd because she has shared with us her situation of a husband that has left her and her son with a mortgage to pay. Monday during our visit she stated she was 2 month behind on her mortgage payment. So, I found it odd that she worded it the way she did and that she was going on vacation. I quickly dismissed it.
We left the bank to go to the DMV to renew my drivers license which expires Sunday....joy, joy, yippee, skippee! We stood in line for an hour and a half only for me to fail my vision test and be denied the renewal. I don't think it helped that I answered yes to a couple of the health questions (just being honest but understand why some aren't) nor did the IV on my right arm help either. The first two columns were clear as day but the third one kept moving. I grew up with glasses (started wearing them at age 4). Growing up feeling blind I learned "to make things out". Somewhere between the Fall of 1999 and the Fall of 2000 I had Lasix surgery to correct my vision. I have enjoyed almost 20/20 vision since with my left eye seeing 20/15 and my right eye seeing 20/25. But last spring I noticed my vision was changing slightly. It also didn't help that, while we were preparing the house to be put on the market to move to Simonton, a twig fell in my eye as I was trimming bushes. When I went in to have it checked I had 3 scratches across the lens and when I did a vision test there they were surprised. I didn't think it was that bad. When I started on the Lyme meds I again noticed a change but I knew that 2 of the meds could cause vision disturbances. No telling if its the meds, old age, or the Lyme. But next Friday I will go in to see the doc who did my lasix surgery and get them checked out so I can hopefully get my license renewed. Not looking forward to having to wear glasses again but if I do, I'm hoping that the bad vision will go into remission with the Lyme.
I was so focused on the ladies "failed" all afternoon. We picked the girls up, who had played hard all morning, and went home. I was exhausted and sore. The girls crashed, and as a good modern day couple, Chris and I sat on our bed with me hooked up to my IV pole and each of us with our laptops surfing away independently. I was going through emails when I spotted one from a dance place I'm putting Maddie in this summer. It stated our card didn't go through. I thought that was odd and immediately opened up our checking account and what I saw sent me into panic and the "failed" I received earlier no longer seemed as urgent. There on our checking account was a charge for skype to London for $14.50 and then 4 more charges for airline tickets out of the country. I immediately thought of our conversation with the bank representative that morning. Panic running through my body as I sat there watching our bank account being emptied by some unknown source. Chris immediately got on the phone and it was determined that it was my check card and not his. It was immediately closed. We were told there wasn't anything else we could do since the charges were still pending. I hung up and transferred what was left into savings and then I remembered that we had overdraft protection, both for the credit side of the card, and for the debit side of the card. We had just said, "yes" to the debit overdraft protection that morning with the bank representative. We gathered up the girls and drove down to the hearest branch and shut down, unlinked, and did all we could do to prevent more damage being done. I felt so violated. Its scary not knowing who has what of yours and what are they doing with it. Driving home from the bank Chris and I had to laugh. With this kind of day I just have to laugh because I know who is in control and I know that nothing happens without some reason on His agenda.
Thats how we started the week. With each day since I have felt worse with the headaches, nausea and midsection hurting. Today I just didn't have the strength to stay vertical. Could be a herxheimer or just good ol' Lyme but it left me with mixed feelings. I have felt like a blob of uselessness all day and yet I know God has a reason for me being in this state. When I am down it puts a lot on Chris and I hate that and yet there isn't anything I can do about it. The seniors in our church were having a picnic today and Chris picked up the girls this morning and they went and played outdoors. This evening when I finally crawled out of bed, Becka very proudly showed me the caterpillars she caught.
A thought occurred to me watching them play outside. I'm not sure what is worse...not having the strength to do anything at all or still feeling cruddy but having an ounce of strength that teases me that I can do anything, only to try and be disappointed and quickly exhausted....difficult to explain.
I'm sitting here feeling pretty beat up, not wondering what tomorrow will be like. I am hoping I feel better and not worse because Maddie's dance recital is tomorrow night and short of a ruptured gallbladder (my new saying) I plan on being there. I'm hooked up to my IV pole sorting through email when I ran across this in an email from a friend....
and it made me smile. I had to share it. The blessings still out weigh the pain. Just having a life is a blessing. Still being able to enjoy the simplest things is a blessing. And so, my all mixed up feelings day ended with a smile....problem solved. :)
