Some Answers

This morning we had a follow up appointment with the surgeon who took out the gallbladder.  He liked the way the incisions looked and gave us permission to pick at the glue over them....uh, no thanks (he said some do).  I was surprised to be asked if I am still taking 2 or more naps each day.  Um, no but would like to.  I might get one on non-gymnastic days but any more then that.  If there are other people at the house besides the people who live in this house, I can't sleep.  I guess I'm in hyper alert in hostess mode (not that I'm a good hostess in my condition) in case someone needs something (as if I can help anyone).  Overall, the appointment was short and went well and doesn't foresee there being any problems down the road....at least those that are not lyme green :)

I am very sore, particularly the belly bottom and the top incision.  I have been taking advil when it gets to a certain point (mainly when it gets to a point I half to lie down).  Yesterday, I reached to the back seat to help Becka with her seat (which was a no no for the midline and my incisions) and it had me hurting pretty good yesterday. I have also noticed what almost feels like a body really fighting to stay afloat.  I was kicking myself for not being up sooner and doing more sooner but then I reminded myself that I didn't go into this surgery where most people do as I remember my last CD-57 being 18.  I have a pretty suppressed immune system fighting to bounce back with 4 new incisions and a missing body part.  I have noticed a sore throat and that very well known feeling that I am run down.  All to familiar from before the Lyme diagnosis.  The body is fighting, and fighting it does well.

Its difficult though, to "take it easy".  I am so tired of taking it easy and being down.  Chris leaves Monday morning to be gone all week at youth camp and my silly little half functioning mind goes into over drive as it starts thinking of things "I could do" while he is gone.  And, then, I have to stop and remind my half functioning mind that the last time I checked I still had Lyme and, oh, by the way, you just had surgery and aren't even up to where you were before the surger which isn't even close to 100%. So, um, back off.  

On our way home I asked Chris what I should do about Dr. Salvato.  I had sent her an email last Sunday night and didn't hear anything after being told this was the ideal way to communicate with her since calls into the office have always been met with a brick wall with no window. :)  I have been trying to be patient all week as we counted down to Saturday, our last IV dose, even though there is very little that is patient in this body.  Yesterday, I sent another little email verifying she received the first one, wondering if the first had accidently been deleted or something.  Sounds pathetic as I type this but calling the office has never gotten us anywhere.....until today.  

So, I asked Chris what I should do because at this point my brain is all combobbled trying to figure out what to do next.  I have prayed all week, trying not to manipulate the situation into what I think I need, especially since Chris will be out of town all next week.  I want God's plan, not mine so I am constantly evaluating my motives.  Chris asked for the number. Uh oh.  Now I'm worried about how he is going to get it done.  He calls the office and I begin praying for God to over take my husband and the doctor's office.

With each passing second I am so impressed with my husband as he very calmly asked to speak to Dr. Salvato or one of her nurses.  The lady, as she has done in the past and we have fallen for in the past, asked if they call him back. He very nicely stated that in the past we have never been called back.  At that point he is put on hold.  I continue to pray.  After about 15-20 minutes of a combination of being on hold and talking to people, we received the answers we were looking for.  Dr. Salvato has switched me to the oral medication called Ceftin (a cephalosporin medication like the 2 IV meds we were on) and the midline is to be pulled.  Chris inquired about taking the Ceftin in addition to the two other antibiotics and he was told in place of.  Knowing that who he was talking to wasn't Dr. Salvato or her nurse we are skeptical about this and have personally decided we will take all three till we see her August 16th and get more information.  Keep in mind that each antibiotic is from a different family of antibiotics.  Each family affects different forms of the bacteria we are fighting.  Because they are in different families they are less likely to interfere with each other. 

I called Quality Infusion to see about getting the midline pulled and at first they talked about coming in this afternoon but I explained I had a 1/2 dose left to do tomorrow. Since they aren't technically "open" on the weekends I was told to come in Monday morning and they would pull it.  The head nurse said she would call the doctors office to see if labs were needed to be done and she would call me back.  Chris posed the question of why not skipping the 1/2 dose and getting it pulled today instead of hasseling with it Monday morning.  I didn't like the idea because I don't want to waste any dose but the midline started really bothering me Wednesday and that combined with how it looked Tuesday at the dressing change convinced me it would be okay to skip the 1/2 dose, and probably best not to wait till Monday.  Basically, Tuesday when I went in for my dressing change, they didn't like the way it looked and would have pulled it if it weren't for the fact that it wasn't bothering me.  It had a red ring around where it goes into my arm and a scab under the skin.  It wasn't till  the day before yesterday that it noticeably was bothering me. I called the head nurse back and she had talked to the doctor's office and no labs were needed and that she would drive out to the house to pull it tomorrow.  I asked her if, in light of how it looked and that it had started bothering me, we couldn't go ahead and do it today.  She said she agreed about how it looked but that we needed to finish the 1/2 dose and she would come out to the house.  I hate for them to make a trip to the house.  For this particular nurse, I know she lives in Pearland which is a good hour and a half away from my house. I asked her if I could meet her at the office especially since Becka had gymnastics (though Chris was going to take her) and she agreed to meet her half way at the office.  Later this afternoon another one of the nurses called and said she would meet me instead so the head nurse wouldn't have to.  Chris and I have talked about when the IV was done, treating the nurses (4 of them) to something.  One had joked about liking Ihop and their crepes when I mentioned going to get some lunch one day.  They have been so good to us and have supported us in anyway they could.  I want to do something for them though I know it won't even come close to blessing them as they have blessed us.

Freedom.....its a funny thing.  I thought I would be bouncing off the wall with excitement.  I am excited to have the use of both arms and hands again after 4 months of IV's.  The timing couldn't be better (God's always is better) with Chris going out of town next week.  I have worried about my patience level with the girls and it just being us 24/7 next week.  I know what it has been and I wanted to be sure I scheduled something to give us some "breaks". But having the midline out and not having to worry about showers, mixing and administering the IV, and the girls baths, and cooking, and etc., I think will help tremendously.  We have been graciously scheduled for some meals and some help next week and between that and no midline I feel at peace that we will make it through the week without Mr. Grumpy arriving and causing frowns.

Please keep us in your prayers. Another Lyme test and CD-57 was run Tuesday at the dressing change and we are waiting on those results. Please  pray for God's numbers. Please pray for Chris and all the youth going to camp that lives are kept safe and that they are changed.  Pray for Chris as he leaves, that he will have clarity of mind and what God wants to do through him.  Please pray for the girls and I as he is away, that we are safe and "happy" (aka no grumpiness) and everything runs smoothly here at the house. Please pray as I am getting off one antibiotic and am beginning another.  Please pray for showers of blessings to come upon all those that have helped us and continue to help us.  

Is it possible?

I am sitting watching Becka do gymnastics, listening to my music and beeming with pride for my oldest who never ceases to amaze me with her driven, motivated personality. There is a girl on her team who has been Becka some attitude, calling her names and being "mean" like kids can do. The first Becka told me about it, the human mother in me wanted to strangle the little girl. I sat on it, contemplating what makes kids (and adults) act such ways. I exained to Becka that I never see this little girls mom, just a nanny and suggested that maybe the little girl was acting out of loneliness. When this girl continued to call Becka names I encouraged he to tell the little, "I'm sorry you feel that way but I still love you." we rehearsed it over and over so she would feel more comfortable responding. I didn't hear much about the meanness after that till the last couple weeks. Last night Maddie did something she very evidently learned from Becka and Becka watched Maddie get in trouble for it and Becka's hands went up to her mouth. When I tucked her in we talked about how our words and actions effect people around us and how Maddie may have never done it if she hadn't witnessed it from Becka. Becka then brought up this little girl and how she and all the girls are always nice to her so how did she learn to be mean. I tried to exlain the possibilities and I encouraged Becka to "model" love to her and maybe she will pick it up and be nicer. These lessons are so difficult for kids, especially when the adults don't quite "model" these things.
I was sitting there, watching Becka's team workout and the human, protective mom in me wants to scowl at this little girl who has been "mean" to my child. And then it hit me! What if the reason she is mean to Becka is because she is jealous of Becka whose mom is there, face glued to the window almost every work out, cheering her on?  This is a child where I have only seen mom once since we joined this gym. A nanny drops her off and then picks her up.  The thing is, its not like the other girls' moms are there also. Out of 6 girls on the team, I am the most consistent in staying and actually watching.  There was one other mom who used to stay but has 2 other young kiddos and is preoccupied with them the entire time. Her work schedule has required her to also now have a babysitter bring her daughter to gymnastics.  I am the only parent glued to the window watching.  I am probably a freak but I love watching my girls at their individual activities.  It is just so therapeutic and energizing.  Even if I have Maddie with me, which I do most of the time, we are sitting right by the window and she is usually busy playing with something.
So I'm sitting here with this "a ha" moment from God and I'm watching the girls.  I watched as their coach was helping this little girl with a bar skill and it looked as if this little girl was crying out of frustration.  It was then that I realized that I have enough love to be a cheerleader for each child on Becka's team, and most particularly this young girl who hasn't been very nice Becka.  Is it possible that all she needs is a little love?  As I 'm thinking this, she walked up to the window and looked at me, looked down at my arm with the IV and pointed to it.  She was the first one to walk up to not to long after I got the midline and boldly asked me what it was.  I was caught off guard and tried to simply say its called an IV and its how I get my medicine.  With that she walked off.  So, her pointing to it today wasn't like she just noticed it.  She has looked at it several times.  I noticed her eyes were red and puffy and I was then certain she had been crying and my heart ached for this little girl and I knew what I needed to do from here on out.
On our way home from gymnastics I shared with Becka my "a ha" moment.  She got very emotional about the situation and frustrated.  I shared with her that we needed to love her by being nice no matter how she treats us. I explained my internal struggle of being a human mom who wants to protect my daughter and not be nice but that I couldn't do that.  I explained that I felt this little girl was struggling with something and that we would love her through whatever it was going on in her life.  Becka was frustrated with the fact that she has been nothing but nice and this little girl still treats her unkindly.  It reminded me of a situation Chris and I have been facing for the last several months with someone in our church who has not treated us nicely, but went out of their way to hug on and be sweet to our girls but then ignore us and not make eye contact, or they spoke very sternly.  I was afraid in our conversations on how to deal with this situation that we had not modeled for our girls how to handle situations like this very well as we have expressed our frustration and hurt to each other, but we have also bathed this person in prayer and have continued to be nice to them even though its not recipricated.  Becka knew who I was talking about as she remembered the Sunday she noticed this person had said hi to her and Maddie but had said nothing to me.  She asked me that Sunday why this person hadn't said hi or even looked at me.  Its difficult! It so difficult to know she is dealing with this at the age of 6 and will continue to deal with it till God calls her home.  But we talked about how this is part of life and its part of the fact that there isn't a single person on this earth who isn't hurting or struggling with something.  Some people's struggles are more evident then others.    I shared with her that God didn't command us to love only those who love us back and that its difficult to love those that aren't nice.  We talked about how God wants us to love others to show them His love. We also talked about how we are all human, and none of us are perfect and so people make mistakes and sometimes our mistakes hurt others.  Wow!  What a big lesson for a little girl and her mommy.  You gotta love it when you learn something in the midst of teaching your own children.
That night Becka prayed for this little girl with her daddy on her own accord.  The next night she and mommy prayed for this little girl.  I pray for her when I think of her.
Yesterday, I got to be glued to the window with my headphones on, watching the girls work out.  There were 4 of them and I have to say it was there best work out ever.  Anytime this little girl looked over at her I gave her a thumbs up, or a smile, or some facial expression that showed I was on her side.  I did notice that she doesn't sit with the other girls when they actually get a moment to sit.  But I also noticed that the other girls were encouraging her and cheering for her as well.  There was a big difference in this little girls face yesterday and in my heart.  On our way home I asked Becka how things were with this little girl today, hoping she had noticed the change.  She said that the little girl was nice to her today. We vowed to keep praying for her.  I noticed that my anger and hurt was replaced with love and a determination to be Head Team Cheerleader!  Let me tell you, it feels so much better then the anger and hurt.  It nothing I did.  Its all God working through hearts, especially the heart of a sweet, tender hearted 6 year old.