Inconvenience vs. Blessing

I'm at infusion. I can't believe I am starting the 4th week of coming everyday and doing two antibiotics, one of which was marked as "allergy" for the last 7 years. I have had days where it has gone long and I have itched. We have determined that Benedryl through the port does not agree with me at all. So, I do what I can to avoid reaction to this antibiotic so I don't have to have the Benedryl. They can also give me another medication for reaction (decatron?) but it is steroidal. From our research in the beginning, steroids is not good for Lyme but quite bad. However, after our two bouts with the Benedryl not agreeing, and me being pretty adamit about not doing the other (I really don't care to take anything that will encourage the little boogers), Chris found where, if you have to do it, that they prefer you be on antibiotics. Either way, I don't care to have to have it but I also don't want the antibiotic taken away because I couldn't "tolerate" it.
IGenex test came back positive. This is all I know for now until we meet with the doctor and get more specifics. The important thing is that its still positive and therefore she stated we would continue treatment. The Lyme symptoms have really been apparent in the last several weeks. This is frustrating but I am hoping the strong treatment is just bringing out the Lyme and its being killed off with treatment. That's how I choose to look at it for now, but it does nag at the conscience that all the tests will point to remission and I will be stuck with these symtpoms.
Today, yes today, I finally found a lab that may know what they are doing and I will get the other test done this week. Which leads me to my thoughts for the day: Inconvenience vs. Blessing.
I got up early this morning after a rough nights sleep and left the house so I could hit a LabCorp to have two orders of tests done and so I could get to my 4-5 hour infusion, get it done, and get home with my family. After 2 different labs, phone calls and driving around, and a couple hours chasing a place to get this test done I got an answer. Inconvenient, yes. Pain, yes. BUT, in the process I thanked God for a husband that is willing to be home on his day off and do school with the girls so I can take care of this and do this. In the process, I was able to answer several texts from people and listen to a friend share her frustration and be there for her at least by phone. I have another friend whose daughter is having a surgical procedure today and I prayed and texted her that I was thinking about her and praying for her.  I was able to "touch base" with several people=Blessing! Lyme has been an inconvenience but also a blessing. Lyme has been very difficult and challenging but very rewarding. Lyme has cost us so much but I have gained so much through it. Through it all it has transformed me both cellular and in character and the way I think. I have been forced to slow down and not do what I thought I wanted to do but in the slowness I have heard God and felt Him tug and pull on my heart. All this and more would not be possible if I didn't have Lyme. I love being slowed down and yet given an ounce of energy I find the old self quickly rear up and want to run around with my head cut off. For now, there has to be a balance and I have to ration my energy and strength.
Saturday was a perfect example of this. Chris scheduled this youth event called "Dinner for 10" where there are 2-3 adults and 6-7 youth, females at our house and males at another house. I took Maddie to dance, came home and started cleaning house and cooking for the evenings event. I had planned a nap, which is so vital to me surviving this kind of activity, but it didn't happen. In the midst, if I'm not completely knocked down with a migraine or how I feel, I don't realize I am over doing it as I bask in being able to have a taste of productivity and "living". But as soon as I slow down or sit down it all hits, and then I am down the next day completely. Is it worth it? Yes! But I have to be choosy in what its for and how often and I have felt a slight panic setting in because this time last year I ended up in bed all December. We believe its because about this time of year every weekend is booked with holiday festivities and things to do for them. It is so easy to have a full plate and before you know it you are running around with your head cut off. I think that's exactly what satan wants so that we don't have time for what really important, we lose where our focus should be (on God and not on Godly activities), and then we can't hear or feel God tug and pull and direct. It is so easy to do. Our society thrives on the hustle and bustle. Its almost looked upon culturally as unacceptable if you aren't running around with your head cut off.  I get frustrated that I can't do what I want to do, and what I want to do is not "inappropriate" or ungodly or crazy.....teach piano, help teach Bible Drill, help with Kids Praise, attend Sunday School, attend women's conferences, go grocery shopping on a weekly basis, get the laundry done on a weekly basis (currently going on 4 weeks of being behind on this), keep my house picked up and fairly clean, teach my kiddos and do more then just the basics and thrive in "survival" mode but really get to do more activities with them, practice and play the piano regularly, and the list goes on. However, I am thankful I have Lyme that has forced me to slow down (okay, at times come to a halt) and therefore, I have been more available. Available to take a phone call from a friend. More available to pray for friends and family on specific things and as God brings them to mind. More available for snuggling with my girls. More available to have tickle fests with my girls. More available to hear and feel from God. More available to interact with people I don't know and listen to their cares. Somehow Lyme has made me more bold, and though maybe weaker for a time physically, it has made me stronger as a person. And the list goes on. There are blessings in inconveniences!